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Wake up; Get up; Get out; MOVE IT!

July 29, 2009

Hey there GIRL…

Get out of bed. Make yourself scarce. Stop lolling in your sleepy bliss.

Go out and see the world. Brush your teeth. Groom your hair.

Yeah it feels good, to lay in bed all day and slumber. And dream. And be only with Yourself. Or maybe just watch tv. Or cuddle. All these things feel good.

But get up. Get out. Too much of any good thing can be bad for you.

Like chocolate. Like dreaming. Like hugs. Like glitter.

Too much chocolate and you gain weight. Too much dreaming and you forget how to live. Too many hugs and you forget how to fight. Too much glitter gets in your eyes and blocks out the sun.

Get up. Put on your fiercest outfit and GO! Brush your teeth. Put your hair into that cute hairstyle you saw in that magazine. Put on some shoes and start walking. Walk around your neighborhood. Walk in the mall. Walk around your school campus. Just walk.

See the world around you.

Your next door neighbor. (When was the last time you two spoke?) The little teeny-boppers who think they own the world. (When was the last time you felt that confident in yourself?) The old buildings with thousands of individual stories held in a single hallway. (How many have walked your same steps before you ever even crossed the threshold?)

Take it all in. It’s beautiful. Smell it. Taste it. Touch it. Then photograph it.

You heard right. Take a picture.

Of the yappy dog down the street that always craps in your yard. Of the girls who only care about the latest trend their favorite store starts. Of the gum stuck under a desk. Whatever strikes your fancy–photograph it.

Go home. Put it on a board. Repeat this process once a week. Add glitter and sparkles and post-it notes and stickers and giant lipstick hearts–whatever strikes your fancy. Pretty soon it will be filled. White spaces will become color. Blankness will become life.

Take a good look at it. These are your reasons for getting out of bed every morning. These are your reasons for living. So don’t stop. Not now. Not ever. (Because yes, even the gum stuck under the desk would lose meaning if there was no one to discover it.)

Isn’t it beautiful?


Affirmations no. 1-7

July 29, 2009

I believe that the fact that something is easily forgotten, doesn’t necessarily mean it is unimportant.

I believe we take for granted the things we most hate.

I believe the occasion rises when, every once in a while, it is necessary to just skip…..class or work.

I believe the occasion rises when, every twice in a while, it is necessary to just skip.

I believe dancing when no one is watching is good for the soul.

I believe children are educated in a self-defeating way nowadays.

I believe that pets offer an unconditional love that we all need.

Max Ehrmann

July 29, 2009

“With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

— from Desiderata

LOVE this:

June 17, 2009

I originaly found this blog thanks to the magnificent Gala Darling. (And she is so right! It’s super fun to read it out loud in my horrendous French accent!) This recent entry particularly caught my eye:

“She looks at me with eyes wide open, says hello back, but not quite sure how to address me and looks for where I fit into the social strata with her bionic eye for these things, doesn’t see the Loubout’ clutch bag that I left in the other room, sees that my jean jacket is not the most official looking of attire, which is, of course, true, it’s from Zara, and then skipped massively low-cut suede entirely too fast as her inspection stopped when she found the blatant indicator: my camera.”

From “Girl, who are you?” on Garance Doré.
(Or, you could read it in its native French!)

Incoherent Mumblings Lead to Realization

May 5, 2009

I want to fall in love. But not real love. I just want a good does of the shiny, happy love you see in movies and read about in books. It’s completely unrealistic, but there is something that is addictively appealing about it. It would be nice to know that happily ever after was guaranteed.

Idk…I think I’ve just had too much drama in the past when I’ve been dating someone. I kind of just wish it could stay in the cute “tee hee I like you” phase. Not forever, just…. idk.

I guess I’m just some die-hard romantic who has been pumped up on fairy tales and love stories for waaaay too long. And reality right now? Ain’t been so good to me. And no, I’m not just talking about in the “luuuuurve department,” either. It’s very frustrating because I was working so hard for several things, and they just didn’t materialize when I thought they would. It’s not like it’s entirely my fault or the fault of the universe; it just wasn’t meant to happen now. And even though I do realize that, it does leave a certain, distinct taste of dissatisfaction within my mouth as I prepare to exit the school year and enter into the summer. I’m worn down and beat down and I am just ready for something magical to overtake my life. I’ve spent such a large part of my life reading about all of these grand adventures and mystical events and perfect stories, and I’m sick of just reading about it. But in the past, any time that a spectacular adventure presented itself to me, I shied away and stuck to what I was used to. I’m a creature of habit and habit is my automatic defense mechanism. But now I’m really regretting it.

When I was younger, I was always trying to grow up faster. I had a tough time with kids my age, but I would read so much about how everything would be better when I was older, and so I tried as hard as I could to grow up quickly. It’s made it even harder for me to relate to people–not just people my own age, but people in general. And somewhere along that line, I got very uncomfortable around people and became very solitary. Now when I walk down the halls in school or sit down in class or go to the store, I hear snippets of conversations about things that are being done and I feel like I’m missing out on some grand thing. Except, I don’t know what it is, so I don’t know how to jump on the damn bandwagon.

And I also feel really guilty about going out and having fun.

Admittedly, I did not deal with my father’s death well at all and it’s really been expounded by the fact that from the moment (okay, there was like a ten minute gap) he died until now I have been constantly harangued with this horrible little voice saying “Stop being selfish; take care of your family.” Except–oh, wait–that little voice? Yeah, that’s not in my head. That’s what people have been telling me. And regardless of how hard I’ve tried to just NOT listen, I’ve heard it so many times since that I’m starting to actually listen to it. I hate that. And I feel very bitter over the fact that these people who once told me that I should go out and enjoy life and enjoy youth and follow me dreams are now telling me to buckle down and be strong because my mother and brother need me. No one ever said to either of them to take care of me. Somehow, along the way, I became the man of the house.

I don’t want to be the man of the house. (I’m a girl for goodness sake!)

I try really hard to balance out being a daughter and a sister and still being myself. I really do. But somewhere along the way, I forgot how to have pure, unadulterated fun, to just let loose. I don’t know, maybe I was too busy trying to grow up when I was eight to ever really learn and I’m just now figuring out that while my friends were playing with Barbies and I was reading the dictionary, I missed an important lesson in life.

Or maybe, I’m just taking these stupid romance movies that are being crammed down every girl’s throat too seriously. Maybe that’s the only way I know how to take things–seriously, I mean.

But I do feel like I want something special to happen this summer. I feel as if I need something playful and adventurous to wake myself up–like I’ve been stuck in the dredges of trying to grow up and then not grow up and then take care of and worry about things I shouldn’t be taking care of or worrying about to begin with. I want to not feel guilty when I say I want to have fun this summer. And the more I say I don’t want to feel guilty, the less I actually do. So, I don’t want to feel guilty when I have fun this summer.

God, that feels like a great lightening of my spirit right there.

I think for too long I kept telling myself I should feel bad about this or that and I was always judging myself and I’m beginning to realize that hey, I DON’T HAVE TO. I can love myself just the way I am and that is alright.

Gawd, that feels good to say.

There was a time, several years ago, when I felt like crap. I hated myself; I hated what I was doing; I hated where I was. I didn’t like that. I told myself when I graduated high school that I was not going to hate myself anymore, that I was going to love myself and I was going to change and I was going to start RIGHT NOW.

Oh gawd. Was that hard or what!

And I did. I started to like myself. I started to deal with issues that I had been internalizing and holding onto and not taking care of for years. And I felt better. Slowly I began to realize that I could love myself, and there was only one thing holding myself back. For so long I’ve listened to other people. I have always gone to others for advice and even listened intently when they gave it to me completely unsolicited. But I never listened to myself. Over the past few months, I’ve begun an internal dialog with myself. Sometimes, I’ve verbalized it and seemed like a total quack pot talking to myself. And the more I listened, the more I began to realize that I didn’t have to take care of my family. I don’t have to care for them at all! But I do, and here’s the thing: I realized that instead of me taking care of them, we could take care of each other! And as stupid as that sounds, it was this giant revelation to me. And slowly, all of my guilt and frustration and bitterness is going away.

I don’t know exactly what I’m trying to get at here, or if I even have a point with making this entry at all. I mean, the only thing I can really think to say to end this is that I (rather geekily and waaay too late into the game) like myself. I am mad, head over heels, in love with myself. And, for the first time in about ten years, I am not saddened or disgusted by who I am and I think that it is just remarkable that this transformation has come about because of a teeny tiny decision I made. I mean, I don’t even know if this has been at all apparent to you guys, but I FEEL GREAT. And even though I’m not where I had planned on being, I am ready for some adventure this summer. I hope for some of it–no, I expect the Universe to deliver it to me on a silver platter lined with tiny little flowers and glistening with sparkles. And it’s not because I deserve it or because it’s damn well past time for it (although, truthfully, it is) but it’s because of some strange intangible force that’s come over me.

And…I guess I’m just going to end it there because, really, I have no earthly idea how to end this. With further musings? An inspirational quote? Meaningful song lyrics? Ah, I got it:

What If…

May 1, 2009

The World Ended?

Ah, the end of the world. What a refreshingly new topic to discuss…NOT. I think that for as long as people have been able to grasp the concept of death, there has been speculation as to just how the world as we know it will come to an end. Meteorites are somewhat plausible, especially considering that it is almost impossible for us to predict the behavior of these things in space. There was a meteor several years back that almost struck Earth, and it was certainly large enough to cause wide-spread damage if it had, that we did not even detect until it had missed us. An unpredictable threat such as this is highly likely to be “the end of it all” as we wouldn’t even know what was going on until it was too late.

Global warming…hmmm… Well, considering that some scientists believe that we may actually be in a period of global cooling, I don’t think this is that much of a threat. And honestly, I think even if it were to be a threat, it would only be threatening to our race and a large number of the species that live upon the planet. I don’t believe that it could actually cause the destruction of the earth.

Nuclear weapons are another strong possibility because as humans, if an enemy were to attack us with dangerous weapons, we would probably be too busy getting our revenge to save ourselves. However, this goes back to my belief that it could easily spell the end of the human race rather than the actual planet. I mean yes, the planet’s surface would be greatly altered after such an attack, but I do believe that it would at least still exist.

Zombies…ah, zombies. I think that would be fun.

Once again, the problem with the superflu idea is that it could easily spell the end of the human race, but not necessarily the planet.

So I suppose that brings me to my real point. “The end of the world” is not a very specific phrase. By “world ending” does this prompt mean (as is usually implied) the end of human civilization? Or, does it mean (as I usually define it) the destruction of the planet Earth? And if it is the latter, does destruction simply mean destroying the Earth as we know it to be now, or does it mean, no more Earth in existence?

As for the destruction of the human race, I can easily see a meteor or some other celestial body brutally slamming into and raping this planet of all we hold dear. The universe is in constant motion and it is constantly changing about us as we progress through life. Therefore, I find it highly likely that some sort of epic celestial event (be it some large body colliding with us, or simply an event that strongly effects our planet) could be the cause of the end of both human life and the Earth.

But, I can also see humans taking a similar path to that of other animals. Mass extinction was once much more common, millions of years ago. And even now, as one species grows stronger in its given environment, it exhausts its home of the resources necessary to support it and dies out. This is not unusual; it is the way of life. I believe that one day the human race shall follow this path, and that this is more likely than any catastrophic event. Any given environment can only support a certain number of one species. Once that peak number is reached, resources become scarce and that species begins to die out. It may make a miraculous recovery once its numbers have been diminished; it may not. It may tire out its environment and that could be the end of it, but all things do eventually come to an end, regardless of how quickly or slowly. I think this is the fate our human world. I don’t feel this way because I believe that progress is “bad” and that we should all cast off our present society and live as chimpanzees. However, I do believe that one day the human race will wear out the things necessary to keep it on this earth. This is how I see our unavoidable end. A natural end, not necessarily reached because of the so-called “evils” of civilization, but most likely aided by them in a natural process that all species go through.

But zombies would be pretty damn cool too.

S.unday lov.E

April 20, 2009
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♥ 8. The market for IRON CHEF slash fiction isn’t quite as broad as you may have assumed: “’Oh, Morimoto,’ Chef Batali sighed, ’stuff me like a pepper!’” (Publishing your first book)

♥ “And when that costume appeared in “Countdown,” it was worn by Jason Todd. He had some adventures through the Multiverse in that costume.” (Red Robin interview + scans)

♥ “It has always been my opinion that late- to post-Dixon BoP!Babs is the best her life has ever been, almost without question. The partnership with Dinah, the daughter she had in Cass, and the world-shaking good she did (and authority she had) as Oracle did her a universe of awesome and very clearly filled holes in her life that had been there long before she was paralyzed. Which is an interesting setup in and of itself – it means that she owes Joker, that being shot made her more effective and put her in a position to be happier, which is a mindfuck far more compelling and potential-laden (and angsty if that’s what you want as a writer) than “ZOMG my legs don’t work woe is me.”‘

♥ “I wouldn’t be completely opposed to Steph becoming Batgirl, but it wouldn’t feel right. She’s already got a perfectly good costume/identity, and because of the controversy about her death and her subsequent return, she’s more recognizable as Spoiler (and DC is all about characters being iconic and recognizable, right?). And besides, Cass is so religiously devoted to the concept of “The Bat”, and now the majority of her family/friends are in Gotham. It would be a waste to drop that and have her create a new hero identity right now.” (noscans_daily debates Batgirls)

♥ “[W]hat’s not known is who will be wearing the costume and assuming the role of a young, female counterpart to Batman… (Batgirl poll)

♥ “Man…even super villains blow me off now…whatta gyp. Am I wearing a bonnet?” (Death Trap)

♥ “‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand.’ First single. Fucking brilliant. Perhaps the most fucking brilliant song ever written. Because they nailed it. That’s what everyone wants. Not 24-7 hot wet sex. Not a marriage that lasts a hundred years. Not a Porsche or a blow job or a million-dollar crib. No. They wanna hold your hand. They have such a feeling that they can’t hide. Every single successful love song of the past fifty years can be traced back to ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand.’ And every single successful love story has those unbearable and unbearably exciting moments of hand-holding. Trust me. I’ve thought a lot about this.”

“‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand,’” I repeat. (Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist)

Western Brave by *JohnSu on deviantART

♥ “Yes, when you know three in the morning is going to spin back to two again, it’s a Free Pass to go waste a perfect hour…” (#787)

♥ “Who said I didn’t act out on my feelings?” (Send Another Submissions Editor)

♥ “The introduction of Jumpa suddenly makes that library poster of Wonder Woman make more sense. ” (The comic you pretend to buy for non-existent younger relatives #14)

♥ “Moonlit skies, stained plush seats, and a quietly revving engine…” (#785)

♥ “It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in the world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.” (The Reptile Room)

Little Miss Broken 4 by `hakanphotography on deviantART

♥ “[C]onsent means “yes,” not the absence of “no”…” (Rape)

♥ “all the energy passes through you. you are all the energy.” (become; immerse. beauty!)

♥ “THEN I will finally be happy…” (Once Upon a Time..)

♥ “And then, it happened, I heard a peculiar voice inside my head say, “You don’t deserve it.” (Limits)

♥ “After all, isn’t the Holy Grail of personal development graduation, waking up at 5 a.m. on a daily basis?” (Late Rising)

♥ “Even after all of this time the sun never says to the earth, “You owe me.” Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky.” (Hafiz)

The Lady of Night. by `zemotion on deviantART

I love you all, so very much ♥♥